A Shot of Optimism, Please. :)

Reposting this from my facebook notes :)

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So here I am, bored in the middle of the night, pissed at random things. I decided to hit up my blog (Trish Thinks) which is by the way in a dire need of an update, and i reread some of my old posts. A lot of them had the same theme. Depressed. Down. Low. Pissed. Well, in my last post called Just Like This..I sort of explained why all my posts are so damn farkin depressing.

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I feel really low. Really bad. I wish I could start writing about happy stuff, you know? Write about happy things. And happy thoughts. But what I’ve discovered lately is that this is all writing is to me. This is how important and at the same time, equally unimportant it is. I write when I’m in pain. Every writer has their own source of inspiration. Great works derived from even greater emotions. And this is mine. Sad to say..but it is. The greater emotion is always a non-happy emotion. And so until a time comes where it is not, this is where all my words will be coming from. Out of that stupid dull ache in my chest.

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Whiny little kid, aren’t I? But that’s just how it is. There’s a side of me you don’t see..you can just read about it, though. And then I read the entry right before Just Like This. It’s entitled Where Was I?. I uploaded it to my blog through my mobile just a day or two after I got out of the hospital.

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Sometimes we feel superhuman. Sometimes we feel extraordinary, and strong, and confident. Yeah, there are those times. Those times when we feel so sure…so sure that we almost have everything figured out. Until we stop. One full stop. And the feeling goes away. The confidence fade in the background as a familiar confusion takes over. And the “almost everything” we thought we figured out turns out to be absolutely nothing at all.
We find ourselves back to square one.
All it took was one confirmation that i am absolutely headed nowhere. Who knew that that confirmation was simply a once-torn-and-now-fixed-but-still-hurting ACL, a pair of crutches, a LOT of bed rest, and a LOT MORE hours of physical inactivity and mental hyperactivity. That’s all the confirmation a girl like me needed to start asking myself again for the nth time..”So, WHERE WAS I AGAIN?”

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That’s the whole of it. It’s pretty short, but I blogged it coz I just needed to take it out of my system. And frankly, I still feel the same these days. “Where am I now?” Or like.. “So, what the fuck have I been doing with my life?”.
Maybe it’s just all of this free time. And with free time comes a lot of thoughts. Some of them useless, some of them senseless, but there are still those that are meaningful. And this is one of them. I still feel like I’m headed to nowhere or going around in circles. I don’t know where I’m headed. The future is bleak.

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So what’s my point? Well. This is me. Trying to be optimistic.

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So what if the future is bleak. It’s supposed to look bleak, if we really think about it. That’s why we call crystal ball readers a fuckin sham. :) There’s just no way to tell where we’re headed. And we shouldn’t be scared. We always change, no matter how much we don’t notice it. There’s a continuous stirring that happens inside us. AND whatever situation we get stuck in now. Whatever it is that we are moping about now..we’ll get out of it. SIGH. It’s just a random passing feeling.
I will say this myself: I never know how to take my own advices. But please..for you guys? :) take it. coz most of the time i give pretty damn good advices. :p

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It’s just a feeling. NOT WORTH PUTTING A BLADE THROUGH YOUR WRIST.
It’s just a feeling. Get “hassled” by it. Get irritated. Mope around. And then, move on.
It’s just a feeling. Find something to distract yourself with.

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I think, as humans..its only in our nature to spot the tiny ink blot in a big ass white paper. We focus on that blot, and not the paper. We focus on all the wrong things. I don’t know who can blame us for doing so. Obviously, the good things in our life are done and settled and is just there. We want the not-so-good things to be “done and settled and just be there”. And so we focus on them. But sometimes life works itself out.

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Sometimes the decisions we have to make are simple. Sometimes they can simply be because it’s what’s right for us. It only gets complicated if we start involving other factors like what other people would think. But I say fuck it.. Sometimes, life has to be an anarchy so it can be in order. We just gotta play it by ear when anarchy is needed, and when it is not.

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Sometimes the current status we are in would change. Maybe not now..but, “good things happen to those who wait”. We can hold on to that quote.. Although I don’t think that patience is a virtue but rather..patience is just a waste of time. I don’t know. We shouldn’t wait. Better yet, I think we should just let things be.

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I’m rambling. I’m bored. And I’m thinking. And my fingers are typing. But I should stop.

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I love writing and reading, coz frankly it is liberating for the writer and the reader alike. For the writer, there’s a sense of release. And for the reader, there’s a sense of familiarity in the words that feel like your own. There’s a sense of security that whatever shit that’s running through your head, it’s running through someone else’s too.

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And so here’s my two cents. Here’s my release. And I hope you guys find familiarity and security. :)

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A Little Bit of Optimism, Please. :)

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Peace out. :p

♥ T.